Soft ghosting bruises harder than you think
- Shivangi Angra
- Nov 22
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 23
It's not kindness—it's just a way to dump without the drama.
In the early 2010s, “soft ghosting” or “slow fading” referred to a form of detachment in online relationships. Deemed a less harsh form of ghosting, many considered soft ghosting a daunting trend that further complicated the already complex dating landscape.
What happens in soft ghosting is that you send a message, get no reply and yet your significant other still likes your posts, views your stories and sometimes drops an occasional emoji, but that's it. Initially, soft ghosting didn’t have a name; it was just a drop of energy.
Soft ghosters think that liking a message instead of replying is some form of mercy—like a subtle way to pull away without hurting anyone’s feelings. But that’s not how it feels on the receiving end. It is not mercy; it is emotional breadcrumbing. It’s how they keep people hoping, second-guessing, overthinking, and stuck. For what reason? So they can avoid discomfort while the ‘ghostee’ spirals in confusion? If you're constantly questioning whether someone in your getting-to-know phase even likes you, chances are they don’t. You are just an option for them. It’s confusing, it’s frustrating, but above all, it’s psychologically damaging.
POV of the person being soft ghosted
Soft ghosting leads to: Anxiety ("Did I say something wrong?"), overthinking ("Should I double-text?"), low self-worth ("Why am I not good enough?"), trust issues ("Is everybody like this?") and delayed closure, which often never comes. They can’t fully move on because the space is not empty. There is a shallow presence, a shadow, and it messes with their mind. When people are unsure of their standing, they tend to assume the worst about themselves. That’s not harmless, but it becomes a mind game, whether it’s intentional or not. What you can do is keep looking out for red flags, build and respect your boundaries, and prioritise yourself.
A virtual hug for the soft ghosted
If you’ve been soft ghosted: You are not “too much.” You’re not overreacting. You’re not unworthy. You’re just being dragged through someone else’s emotional immaturity. Soft ghosting often comes from people who don’t know how to set boundaries, say what they mean, or sit with uncomfortable feelings. That doesn’t make them evil—but it does make them dangerous for anyone who’s emotionally available. Don’t romanticize mixed signals. Their actions are telling you all there is to know. If they wanted to talk to you, they would. If they respected you, they would communicate. And if they were capable of holding space for your emotions, you wouldn’t be in this grey zone. They are the problem.
Inside the mind of a soft ghoster
If you’re soft ghosting someone because you fear being the “bad guy/girl”, you’re not being considerate; you’re being emotionally immature. Soft ghosting is not the “high road”, as one might think. You're still hurting them and doing it in a way that makes it easy on yourself.
Soft ghosting doesn’t make you kinder—it just helps you avoid guilt. The blow is not any softer for the other person, but holds severe consequences for them. After all that, if you like the control or attention it gives you- If you enjoy the feeling of knowing someone’s still waiting for your message or analysing your likes—then that’s not just emotional unavailability; it’s manipulation. You are playing games with someone’s mental health to avoid confronting your own lack of clarity, your commitment issues, or your ego. In plain terms, work on yourself.
How to Stop Being a Soft Ghoster
Start communicating clearly, even if it’s uncomfortable. Stop keeping people as emotional backups. Relationships aren't a roster—you’re messing with real humans with feelings and repercussions. When it’s time to say goodbye, be direct instead of fading out, hoping they’ll “get the hint.” It’s your responsibility to communicate that. Take accountability for your actions. If you recognise this behaviour, apologise and own it. Do the inner work to figure out why you avoid conflict. Getting therapy can be a step towards self-awareness.
Soft ghosting might feel like a gentle exit, but it leaves deep scars. It creates more confusion than clarity, more damage than severing ties. And it’s not emotionally neutral—it’s emotionally manipulative. So if you're doing this to someone, it's time to stop. And if someone is treating you this way, walk away with your head held high. You deserve presence, not puzzles.
Also Read: Abs are out. EQ is the new flex.